Warning to my Dad and others out there who don’t want to read about my boobs – LOL – you may want to skip this post!
One year ago today I brought my baby boy to my breast for the first time and he happily nursed away…. and nursed and nursed and nursed….. you get the idea! 3 days later my nipples were raw, red, bleeding, I was in pain. I met with the Lactation Consultant several times over the next few weeks. Initially I pumped round the clock every 2 hours for almost 5 days so my nipples would heal – I would pump and Mark would bottle feed. Once they were healed I used nipple shields to prevent any more damage. Sam latched on and it was going better but he was a very sleepy nurser due to jaundice and trying to wake him up AND keep him awake to nurse was a nightmare! He would take 60-90 mins to nurse and then repeated every 2 hours for the first 8 weeks. Everyone always says that breastfeeding is easy and it shouldn’t be painful and if it is then you are doing it wrong. I think there is so much misinformation on breastfeeding out there that women have unrealistic expectations about breastfeeding and then quit after a few weeks. I won’t lie – I wanted to quit every day, make that every feeding! Several times I told Mark he needed to go buy formula cuz I was DONE! Sam wasn’t gaining weight and so of course I felt like a failure because I could not feed my child enough to make him grow – we added 1 feeding per day of formula and he still wasn’t gaining. The next week I slacked and gave formula 2 times and guess what…. he gained weight! The ped said “see, it’s the formula” and I just laughed because it WASN’T the formula.. it was breast milk.
After a few weeks I weaned Sam off the nipple shield and then he was finally back on the bare breast and it got easier…. Then I got a clogged duct – ugh!
I tried taking lecithin every day – didn’t work so I had to nurse laying over Sam, or soak my breast before feeding, or get in the shower and massage – it was awful. The worst part is I continued to get them 3-4 times a week until about 7 months. Today at a year I still get them although sometimes I can go 2 weeks without one. They are painful and very tender even once the clog is gone but I have come to expect them so when I get one I just suck it up and deal. I haven’t slept on my side or tummy since the 2nd trimester of my pregnancy because if I do it’s a guarantee that I will develop a clogged duct- so I have to sleep on my back….. man I miss tummy sleeping!
Its exhausting knowing that you’re the only one who can feed your child – it was me getting up every few hours to nurse on demand in those early months while Mark slept away…. Yes, I was a little bitter but it’s the price you pay when you breastfeed…. But, totally worth the price I must add =)
Looking back I could have easily quit… on numerous occasions…. But I didn’t.
Something in the back of my mind was determined to nurse my child and so I stuck with it and I am so proud of myself! I know it was something that only I could give my child and I actually enjoy nursing him these days – even though he likes to try to stand up all-the-while keeping my nipple in his mouth – yikes! Lol
He is just starting to sometimes sleep thru the night but I don’t care if he does or doesnt – he only gets up once and that is actually my favorite time with him – its dark, quiet and nurses so perfectly – always such a nice moment to share with my little guy!
So, here we are at 1 year! We made it! Yay for us! We survived!
The future is wide open….
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